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Nov. 28th, 2003 03:18 amThis could only happen to me.
So I've gone to my sister's house for her Thanksgiving thing. Celebration. Whatever. I've been hanging out for a bit, just listening to the sister's boyfriend ramble on to my dad about motorcycles, fishing, and junk. I went inside, flipped through the channels. Aha. Spider-Man. Started watching Spider-Man. This is good. Good movie, everyone else is doing something away from me, I can watch Spider-Man in peace. Wonderful.
The boyfriend's family shows up. Including the boyfriend's sister. Okay. This girl is very pretty. She's a little younger than he is, by a couple of years, and he's a little younger than my sister is, by a couple of years, which means that she's roughly the same age as me. I didn't outright ask. The boyfriend has told me about her before -- she's a damn rock chick. And she loves Spider-Man, so she's a geek too. This is righteous. Oh, and there's one more bit to tell.
She's got a gimp arm. Somehow -- I got the feeling it might be impolite to ask how, since she didn't volunteer the information -- she fucked her arm up pretty bad. It needed two plates inserted into it, and now she has to go to HealthSouth for rehab. Monday, while she was there, she saw Ric Flair and Triple H. I can understand a layperson knowing who Ric Flair is. But Triple H? That's kinda iffy. Granted, he is The Game, but he's not exactly known in every house in the Nation. Yet. I was impressed with her knowledge of wrestling. I was also impressed that she saw Ric Fucking Flair and Triple H.
In any case, we talked a good bit of the night. And I ate a large, large meal. I did exactly what I said I was going to do. I gorged myself. So after the meal, I sat around a bit, feeling very uncomfortable, waiting on the inevitable. I didn't wanna just drop everything and run to the bathroom in front of a girl I was digging on, with high chances that I was going to be in there for a very long time. It'd be kinda... weird. But the time came, man. It was do or die. I had to go. So I skipped out andwalked right in front of her, mumbling, "'scuzemeplease" under my breath as I went, hopped in the bathroom, and proceeded to destroy it. I'll skip the details. Suffice to say I was in the fucking bathroom longer than I had intended to be. And when I came out, the boyfriend's family, his sister included, was gone home.
Mom said, "Kelly said it was nice to meet you!" And I just felt like... shit.
I'm not sure following up on this mild attraction would be a good idea, anyway. First of, all, she's blood relation to my sister's boyfriend. That's fucked up on multiple levels. The first level: I'm totally unaware of the social mores of this. For all intents and purposes my sister and her boyfriend are married. There has been no ceremony, there is not going to be a ceremony. It's understood that they are together, and are going to stay that way. That, for all intents and purposes, makes me and this girl... what? Brother-and-sister-in-law? Except... not. Not exactly cousins, okay. But not exactly unrelated. See why I'm having a weird time with this? Gimme some help, people.
Second. SHE IS MY SISTER'S BOYFRIEND'S SISTER. She is the sister of the beast! If she's ANYTHING like that fucker, I would be getting into a bad, bad situation. Lemme tell you about those siblings...
1) Joey - The Sister's Boyfriend. Former crack addict, current bum. Often refuses to work, mentally abuses my sister.
2) Barry - Oldest brother. Alcoholic. Beats his kids. Recently divorced because his wife came to her senses. All around shithead.
3) I Can't Remember The Other Fucker's Name - Just Call Him Cletus - Currently a crack addict, has three kids on welfare; one of them is mildly retarded. He gets $500.00 from the state to support that one every month, and blows it on crack.
If she's anything like those fuckers, I don't wanna be anywhere near her. It's bad enough having a sister that's somewhat married to the best of them. I can't see myself getting involved with a female version of 'em.
All the same. Pretty embarrassing, spending a few hours talking to a girl, then she bugs out while you're takin' a dump...
So I've gone to my sister's house for her Thanksgiving thing. Celebration. Whatever. I've been hanging out for a bit, just listening to the sister's boyfriend ramble on to my dad about motorcycles, fishing, and junk. I went inside, flipped through the channels. Aha. Spider-Man. Started watching Spider-Man. This is good. Good movie, everyone else is doing something away from me, I can watch Spider-Man in peace. Wonderful.
The boyfriend's family shows up. Including the boyfriend's sister. Okay. This girl is very pretty. She's a little younger than he is, by a couple of years, and he's a little younger than my sister is, by a couple of years, which means that she's roughly the same age as me. I didn't outright ask. The boyfriend has told me about her before -- she's a damn rock chick. And she loves Spider-Man, so she's a geek too. This is righteous. Oh, and there's one more bit to tell.
She's got a gimp arm. Somehow -- I got the feeling it might be impolite to ask how, since she didn't volunteer the information -- she fucked her arm up pretty bad. It needed two plates inserted into it, and now she has to go to HealthSouth for rehab. Monday, while she was there, she saw Ric Flair and Triple H. I can understand a layperson knowing who Ric Flair is. But Triple H? That's kinda iffy. Granted, he is The Game, but he's not exactly known in every house in the Nation. Yet. I was impressed with her knowledge of wrestling. I was also impressed that she saw Ric Fucking Flair and Triple H.
In any case, we talked a good bit of the night. And I ate a large, large meal. I did exactly what I said I was going to do. I gorged myself. So after the meal, I sat around a bit, feeling very uncomfortable, waiting on the inevitable. I didn't wanna just drop everything and run to the bathroom in front of a girl I was digging on, with high chances that I was going to be in there for a very long time. It'd be kinda... weird. But the time came, man. It was do or die. I had to go. So I skipped out andwalked right in front of her, mumbling, "'scuzemeplease" under my breath as I went, hopped in the bathroom, and proceeded to destroy it. I'll skip the details. Suffice to say I was in the fucking bathroom longer than I had intended to be. And when I came out, the boyfriend's family, his sister included, was gone home.
Mom said, "Kelly said it was nice to meet you!" And I just felt like... shit.
I'm not sure following up on this mild attraction would be a good idea, anyway. First of, all, she's blood relation to my sister's boyfriend. That's fucked up on multiple levels. The first level: I'm totally unaware of the social mores of this. For all intents and purposes my sister and her boyfriend are married. There has been no ceremony, there is not going to be a ceremony. It's understood that they are together, and are going to stay that way. That, for all intents and purposes, makes me and this girl... what? Brother-and-sister-in-law? Except... not. Not exactly cousins, okay. But not exactly unrelated. See why I'm having a weird time with this? Gimme some help, people.
Second. SHE IS MY SISTER'S BOYFRIEND'S SISTER. She is the sister of the beast! If she's ANYTHING like that fucker, I would be getting into a bad, bad situation. Lemme tell you about those siblings...
1) Joey - The Sister's Boyfriend. Former crack addict, current bum. Often refuses to work, mentally abuses my sister.
2) Barry - Oldest brother. Alcoholic. Beats his kids. Recently divorced because his wife came to her senses. All around shithead.
3) I Can't Remember The Other Fucker's Name - Just Call Him Cletus - Currently a crack addict, has three kids on welfare; one of them is mildly retarded. He gets $500.00 from the state to support that one every month, and blows it on crack.
If she's anything like those fuckers, I don't wanna be anywhere near her. It's bad enough having a sister that's somewhat married to the best of them. I can't see myself getting involved with a female version of 'em.
All the same. Pretty embarrassing, spending a few hours talking to a girl, then she bugs out while you're takin' a dump...
So after depositing my commission check, expense check, and paycheck, I found I had just a hair under a thousand bucks in the bank. This blew my fuckin' mind. It wasn't a week ago I thought I was nearly broke. Now I see I have almost a full grand. Funny how quickly a guy's fortunes can change. And it comes at such a great time, too, I thought. I don't even have to blow it on crap I don't really want. I can blow it on crap other people don't really want. And feel good while I'm doing it.