We're on the road to nowhere....

Throat
(not for the faint of heart)

I am still horrendously sick. I still have a fever, with chills. Still have minor body aches. Still have head aches. Still choughing, and coughing up crap. Blowing nastiness out of my nose. But the real problem is my throat.

My throat is very swollen, and very, very painful. When I swallow, it feels like there is a cat scratching from way up in my sinuses down to the beginning of my esophagus, concentrating around my lymph nodes on each side of my voice box and the opening from the sinuses to the throat. Horrible, horrible pain. Earlier today, before I went to the doctor, my curiosity got the best of me and I shined a flashlight in my mouth while looking in a mirror. My throat looked like hamburger meat.

Yeah.

LookED.

Later on, I did it again, to take a better look. This is after going to the doctor, and the pharmacy, and getting a big bottle of Chloraceptic and spraying that motherfucker down and gargling with that nasty green shit several times. What I saw this time was different from what I'd seen before. What I saw this time looked like... well, to be honest, it looked like I had caught some kind of STD. Large white sores had appeared on the back of my throat. Whiteheads. Zits, almost. I was revolted. Nothing grosses me out more than zits. But I thought, "Shit... this explains the pain. This explains why I can't swallow." So... I did what I was taught to do when you see a whitehead of this size. I reached back and scraped the back of my throat with my fingernail. Of course, I gagged. And of course, I puked. But this was not a bad thing, as what came up was solid fucking yellow and green snot, straight from my lungs. I checked the back of my throat. There was a big white rock hanging from the skin I had punctured. I carefully, so as not to gag myself, worked the white pus/snot-rock out. Horrible little fucker. I got a total of five of these little infectionballs out before scratching the blood out of myself, but that was okay, because I couldn't reach the others. I'm sure there are more that I still can't see, but I took out the ones I could. When I was finished I gargled, yes, gargled with listerine (kills germs, dammit!), accidentally swallowing some in the process. The end result of this surgery...?

No change, that I can feel. Still hurts like a bitch to swallow.

Oh well. At least you can't SEE those nasty little fuckers anymore. And at least I know they're not there.

Oh yeah. My spit has the consistency of an egg yolk. Ain't that great? That's not helping the swallowing process either.

In Other News

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Criterion DVD came today. The Hunter S Thompson commentary is fantastic. FANTASTIC. It's not exacly freeform; it's interview style, with someone asking him questions about the movie as the movie plays, but, in typical HST style, he goes way off topic several times, and it's good fun. Oh, and it was recorded on my birthday. Haw haw.

If anyone could teleport some pain drugs, and I'm not talking limpdick Tylenol or Advil or anything, I'm talking about REAL pain drugs, if anyone could teleport some pain drugs to me, I'd be really appreciative, and I would be in your debt. Feeling pain every time you swallow is like feeling pain every time you blink. Except you swallow in your sleep. And it wakes you up. S'why I'm not asleep right now.

Maybe if I ate sandpaper.